I AM Still Growing Up

A few months ago, while lying in bed with C before she fell asleep for the night, she started talking to me about what her wedding dress is going to look like when she grows up.

I was amazed, at just 9-years-old, how detailed she was with how she wanted her dress to look and how much JOY was on her face as she talked about it.

I was in absolute awe.

Then I started thinking…

“Gosh, I remember when I was a little girl and all I could think about was “growing up.”

“What am I going to look like when I’m older?”

“Who am I going to marry?”

“What am I going to be doing?”

Growing up to me meant that once I became an adult (especially the size of an adult, because oh gosh, I couldn’t wait to be taller!!) that was it!! I had made it!! I’d be all grow up and not a kid anymore!! Life would be complete!!

I remember when I’d take a shower at my parents house, there was a window that I couldn’t wait to be tall enough to reach.

I couldn’t wait to be older and taller and to be able look out that window without having to be on tippy-toes at all.

And when that day would come (which felt like FOREVER!!), in my mind, I’d be all GROWN UP!!

So as I sat there, listening to my daughter tell me all the details of the kind of wedding dress she wants one day, while she was smiling SO big, I thought…

“I know she thinks once she gets married, she’ll be all grown up.”

The same thoughts I used to think.

But then I thought…

“From what I know now, gosh, no matter our age, no matter our size, we are ALWAYS growing up! ALWAYS!! Until the day we die!”

I’m 41 and I’m still growing UP!

Yes, I’m an adult now and yes, I’m married to my soulmate, but man, when I look back 20 years ago, especially on the day I got married, my GROWING UP days were just getting started!

Yes, I have SO much more wisdom under my belt now and I view life struggles with way more positivity than I did when I was younger, but I know, that even though I’m only 41, I still have SO much more growing UP to do!

I feel like now that I’m in my 40s, I see my life now in a whole different way.

I see that every day while I’m here on planet Earth, a new lesson is always brought to me to help me grow more and more into myself and who I am and what I love.

Every day I see my life a little bit more clearly than the last.

And just when I think I’ve got it all figured out, nope…a new lesson….a new awareness…presents itself to me.

And when that happens, I ALWAYS think to myself…

“Wow!! See…I thought I had it all figured out, but nope, there was still something else for me learn…something that hadn’t even crossed my mind yet!”

So even though I have SO much more wisdom now at 41, I know, that each and every day that I’m physically here on planet Earth, a new lesson will unfold and it’ll help me to continue to GROW UP more and more into myself and who I’m meant to be!

I know now that just because I get to a certain age or a certain height and get to do certain adult things that I couldn’t do when I was a kid doesn’t mean I’m officially a grown up and that it’s.

Like, yep, I’m 41 now and I’m all grown up…no need to think like a kid anymore or wonder “who am I going to be when I get older and what am I going to do once I’m all grown up?”

Nope!

Now I see SO clearly that no matter the age, no matter how adult-ish I am, I will ALWAYS being GROWING UP!!

And the coolest awareness of all, is that each day I continue to GROW UP, I’m GROWING UP internally, rather than externally!

Yes, I’m physically grown up (and might start even shrinking soon…isn’t that what happens as our bodies start to age more?), but mentally and spiritually, I continue to shift in the most positive, amazing and profound ways.

I think about my life struggles and my life’s joys WAY more positively than I ever did 20 to 30 years ago!

I feel like mentally my thoughts are reaching for the sky instead of constantly being stuck in the mud.

Like I’m Jack and the Beanstalk and how he rose high into the clouds on his beanstalk because of the magic beans he was given, except I’m rising toward the clouds, the sun and the sky because I’m feeling UPlifted and JOYful rather than pulled down to the ground with heaviness and negative funk because I’m GROWING UP with the natural magic of aging and the new perspectives and awarenesses it brings.

Because for me, when I think of growing UP now, I feel like I’m looking UP toward the sun with a smile (because I can’t help but smile when I look up toward the big blue sun shiny sky!) instead of looking down with a frown and thinking my life never goes the right way and never will!

Because for me, when I was younger, everything seemed like it was going wrong or bad stuff only happened to me and that I was the only one who had bad luck and no one else did.

I see it a lot with my kiddos, too!

When something goes wrong, like they wake up tired and they stumble on their feet and they fall down for a second, they immediately think their entire day is going to be bad.

As soon as they say those words…

“Today is going to be a horrible day because of what just happened to me!”

I’m reminded of how I used to think the same way when I was their age and well into my 30s.

But now, since I’m continuing to GROW UP and lessons have been brought to me each and every day that have shined a new light to the way I think, I see that it’s just a moment that’s not having them feel good.

Just one moment.

And just because that moment isn’t going the way they want it to and it’s making them feel sadness and anger and making them cry instead of making them feel good, it’s just one moment.

A moment that’s allowed to be had. A moment that is absolutely normal. A moment that is a great reminder that we are human and humans have many different emotions, with some that make us feel sad, angry and frustrated as well excited, happy and joyful.

It will pass. And a beautiful moment (moments!) will come…sooner than they think!

One moment in the day that goes wrong does NOT mean EVERY moment in the day will go wrong!

Once it passes, the good will shine through again throughout the day.

Something may have happened that made me cry, but once it passes and I look outside, I bet the sun is still shining!

Actually, I know the sun is still shining…because every single day the sun rises! Every single day…no matter the moments that come…good OR bad…the sun will rise

I always say to them when they come home and they tell me they had a bad day…

“OK! So you had a bad day, but I bet there are some moments in your day that were GOOD, too?”

They immediately say…

“NO! There was NOTHING GOOD that happened to me today!”

Then I start thinking of moments when we were together and I ALWAYS find one or two or three!

I tell them…

“Well, I got to hug you this morning when you were sad. Luca shared his toy with you today that you were upset about because you didn’t get one. You’re breathing! You have a house over your head. You got to ride your bike today! It’s sunny out! Those moments seem GOOD to me!”

Which is something that is HUGE for me!!

Because just like them, I always focused more on the negative and because of that, that I couldn’t SEE any positives that occurred in my day.

But now, because I’m continuing to GROW UP (hello, UPlifting, wisdom, better perspective and JOYFUL and LOVING thoughts…nice to see you UP here!) AND with the help of getting into my right brain (hello, JOY and better perspective thoughts!) with mindless creativity, I see life oh, SO differently!

So as I listened to my 9-year-old talk about how she wants her wedding dress will look one day with the biggest and most JOYful smile on her face, I know, that she too, won’t stop growing up as soon as she becomes an adult and marries her soulmate.

And that no matter how old she is and no matter her height and how many adult things she’ll get to do one day, she’ll ALWAYS, ALWAYS, being GROWING UP!! (And her brother, too!)

And that, to me, makes my heart SO happy and fills me with happy tears because I never thought I’d look at life with this kind of awareness and perspective.

I truly believe that if I hadn’t found mindless creativity when I was pregnant with my daughter, I wouldn’t be able to give and model this advice to her and her brother. I’d still be living with my head in the mud, rather than the clouds!

And that, that right there, makes me cry happy tears!! Because in my heart, it’s EXACTLY how I want to BE as a mother!!

A mother who continues to see the JOYs in the good and the bad AND who sees aging as a GOOD thing!!

A mother who see’s that everyday….no matter the age and no matter the height…we are all still GROWING UP!

I can’t wait to see, not only what I still get to learn and become more aware of as I continue to GROW UP, but also what my kiddos get to learn and become more aware of as they continue to GROW UP, too!!

And, yes, they are a huge part of helping me GROW UP these days, too!

And with that, I A M S O V E R Y G R A T E F U L that I’m still G R O W I N G U P ! !

Until next time…

Why do I hand letter uplifting words? Because it easily calms my mind, ignites my joy and slows me down so I can BE a more calm, happy + present mom (something that's hard to do when my mind is running five miles ahead or behind the present moment...especially during summer break!) and truly focus on what matters in my life and all the GOOD that fills it!