Remembering to Breathe Through the Frazzle

Last Friday, after I got Camille out the door to school, I immediately jumped in the shower to get ready before having to take Luca to school.

It’s SO nice having them go to two different schools that start at two different times. C is out the door by 7:15 and then I don’t have to take Luca until 8:30.

I thought it was going to be stressful, but it’s actually been wonderful, because Luca gets out of bed on his own terms so he’s not super duper MAD at me because I’m nagging him to get up.

Camille…she gets a little mad at me because I still have to nag her a bit since she has to be up by 6:30, but she handles it way better than Luca, because, I’m assuming, she’s older now.

Usually I get my shower in before C wakes up, because when I’m ready before them, our mornings go SO much smoother and I like smooth…no, I mean, I LOVE SMOOTH!! Ha! :)

Well, last Friday, I decided to sleep in and take my shower before taking Luca to school.

I thought he was fine…content…watching a show and drinking his chocolate milk, but soon after I got in the shower he came in WHINING!!

I thought,

“Oh no! What’s going on NOW? There goes my quiet and peaceful shower that I absolutely LOVE to take!”

Once I started asking him what was going on, he said he was hungry, so I told him he can go get himself some food in the pantry…he knows where it is and it’s at his level, so he would have no problem getting something to eat on his own.

Well…he did NOT like that answer.

His whines turned to CRIES….very loud CRIES…CRIES that wouldn’t stop!

CRIES that just kept going and going and CRIES that just kept getting louder and louder ALL while I’m trying my hardest to stay calm and just BREATHE through it all.

I’ve learned over the years that the more I talk to him when he’s like that the louder her cries. With his sister, the louder she cried, the more I had to talk to her to help calm her down. It’s amazing how different they are when it comes to nourishing them through tough emotions!

Oh man! I know I say this a lot, but when my kids cry and whine…both sounds frazzle me and make me feel crazy inside.

To me, they’re the most uncomfortable and intense sounds and they make me want to run as far away and as fast as I can.

I love my kids SO much, but..it’s horrible!!

And most of the time, I just want to yell out, STOP!!!!! STOP CRYING!!! STOP WHINING!!!!

And, yes, I’ve experienced major guilt because I have yelled those words out before…when I get to my breaking point and it’s 8PM at night and my husband still isn’t home from work yet and I’m tired and I’m getting my period and I don’t want to be bothered (or talked to!) because all I want to do is go to my dark room, lay in bed and close the door and sleep but I can’t and who knows if I ever will again in my lifetime!! Ha!!

So, yeah, because I don’t want to be the “angry” and “yelling” mom all the time, I do everything I can to stay calm and not run away from my kids when their whining and crying moments come up.

And it is NOT EASY!! NOT EASY AT ALL!!

For me, it’s definitely at the top of my “hardest things to do as parent” list, for sure!

Because in my heart, I know the crying and the whining is most likely stemming from something bigger…they’re tired or they’re hungry (or they want me to buy something for them and I’ve said no!).

And in this moment, I knew he was super tired and he was hungry.

He had been hyped up all week at school for his Spooktacular event that evening…and yeah, usually by Friday, he’s done…we all are!!

So as I was my telling myself to stay calm while he CRIED loudly the entire time I was showering, my thoughts were going crazy!!

Thoughts I told myself over and over and to NOT say out loud…

“STOP CRYING!!!!”

“GO GET YOUR OWN FOOD!!!”

“IT’S SUPER EARLY IN THE MORNING…I WANT TO TAKE A QUIET SHOWER BY MYSELF WITH ANY INTERRUPTIONS!!!!”

“REALLY!!?? THIS IS HOW WE’RE STARTING OUR DAY…NOOOO!! I JUST YEARN FOR THE DAYS WHEN WE ALL WAKE UP HAPPY AND WE DON’T HEAR ANYMORE WHINING…EVER!! EVERY MORNING IS PEACEFUL AND QUIET!!”

“OMG!! LEAVE!!!!!”

“OMG!!! YOU’RE ACTING HORRIBLE!!!!”

“I’M GOING TO TAKE AWAY YOUR IPAD FOR THE REST OF THE DAY IF YOU DON’T STOP CRYING!!!”

This time, I did not lose my cool…on the outside…but on the inside…I was a mess…a full on mess.

I finished up in the shower and dried off as fast as I could.

I put my robe on and then him and I went to the rocking chair (the rocking chair that I rocked him and his sister in as babies and toddlers).

We cuddled up under the blanket and we rocked.

No words were said and all we could hear were the squeaks from the chair (yes…that chair has gotten (and still gets!) lots of lovin’!)

At first, I could feel all my low level energy.

Whining and crying just makes me feel HEAVY!! Very, very heavy!!

All I could think, as I looked out the window next to us, was how when my kiddos cry and whine, it just wears me out…and after 9 years of hearing whining and crying…I’m done!!

“How much longer am I going to have to hear whining and crying…OMG!”

And then I thought,

“Yeah…when it gets like this…my kids exhaust me!! There’s NO joy whatsoever when they cry and whine like this…this is NOT fun and I’m ready for a break from it! I NEED a break from it…we have to be getting out of this stage soon…right?!”

But then, something shifted.

I started to look at him, all quiet and cuddled up on my lap.

And then, I started to FEEL the calm.

Which reminded me to do what I always try do when times get frazzled like this…close my eyes and breathe!

I always know my kiddos FEEL my energy. So when I close my eyes, with them either on my lap or I’m embraced in a hug with them, I just breathe.

I don’t tell them to breathe with me…once I do it…I feel like they automatically do it, too.

Then I opened my eyes and started thinking about how big he’s gotten.

He used to be my baby boy, all snug in my lap while I fed him (and his sister!)

Now his legs are hanging off of me (because he’s a big first grader now!!) and soon, very soon, we won’t be rocking like this anymore.

So I sat with him and rocked with him in our quiet house until I had to get up to blow dry my hair (and I wished I had taken my shower earlier that morning so I could have rocked with him longer…it’s been way too long since we’ve rocked that long together!).

And he ended up falling asleep, but I moved him to my bed once I had to get up.

See…I knew he was tired!! So he had every right to express his tired emotions. Every right! Unless he was hurting himself or others, then I would have put a stop to it.

But man, those intense emotion moments are so hard for me. SO hard!

And, yes, I want to run as fast as I can every time those loud whines and cries start. But, what I’ve grown to know, from my 9 years of mothering so far, is that when my children are whining and crying…this is when they NEED me to the most.

Sure, when they’re doing something JOYful, I’m right there…not having one thought of running away.

But when they do something that isn’t JOYful…everything inside of me wants to bolt.

SO NOT GOOD!

And, since becoming a mom, I now realize that sadness and crying has every right to be at the party with happy and laughter! Every right!!

But now, after all these years…it’s those whining and crying moments that I need to BE even closer to my kiddos. Closer than when they’re making me laugh and smile.

So when they’re upset and all my thoughts are frazzled and I feel my blood pressure rising, this is when I need to stay calm, breathe and just stay as close to them as possible until they’re ready for a hug or to talk calmly about it.

Because if I loose it and I yell at them, just because I can’t handle them crying and whining, they look at me as a monster and they become scared of me and then they run away from me. And I don’t ever want them to run away from me…especially when they’re sad and upset.

Because every time I do this, moments of calm and love shine through.

I saw that, yes, the moment was intense and yes, I hated every second of it and yes I wanted to just yell and get him to stop crying!!

But it was those whines and cries that had me STOP what I was doing so I could just BE and BREATHE with him.

If he hadn’t of come into the bathroom and start whining and crying, he would have been out in the living room, watching a show and I would have been racing around to dry my hair, get dressed and then get his backpack and lunch ready while nagging him to put his uniform on, eat breakfast and brush his teeth so we could get out the door on time.

But, instead of jumping to my fast paced mama morning life…I was forced to sit down with him the rocking chair (something we haven’t done in quite some time!) and just BE with him.

I was present with how big he’s getting.

I was reminded of the past of how little he (and his sister!) used to be, which made my heart smile.

I was reminded to keep SAVORing them as they grow older, because soon, they won’t be needing to BE STILL with me while on my lap in the rocking the chair, because they’ll be TOO BIG and will think it’s weird and gross to be sitting on their mom’s lap. Ha!

I was reminded of all the GOOD that comes through moments that I consider BAD.

I was reminded that once I get through the uncomfortable times…the GOOD times come after.

And, most important of all, I was reminded how important it is for me to keep my calm and continue to breathe through the moments that come at me outta nowhere and make me frazzled and make my blood boil and have me wanting to run as far away as I can.

No matter the moment…good or bad…GIFTS are always shown!

ALWAYS!!

And I guess the Universe saw that it had been way too long since I’ve stopped and BREATHED with my kids in this way.

Because it was during those calming breaths that I was reminded of what matters most to my busy mama heart, BEing there for my kiddos when they’re JOYful and BEing there for my kiddos when they’re CRYING the loudest tears ever!

And BEing calm during those CRYING moments matters most to my busy mama heart, because it’s way easier for me to stay calm in JOYous moments than it is in non-JOYous moments and what I know for sure…I do NOT want to be the mom that is always yelling and getting angry at my kids the second they start whining and crying, because those emotions are just as important as the JOYous ones…and honestly, in my opinion, the non-JOYous ones are even more important and need the most tending to!

And the only way I’m going to get through it is to just BREATHE!

I’m SO thankful for my kiddos!

They’ve taught me this lesson BIG TIME!!

I was always a runner!

As soon as something didn’t feel good or something frazzled me, I’d run!

Because, yeah, it’s not fun when I hear a sound that frazzles me or I’m around something that doesn’t make me feel good..at all!

And, yeah, there will be times when there truly is something “bad” that’s happening that I will need to run away from, but when it comes to my kids and their real human crying and sad emotions…I now know, I will never, ever run away from them.

Unless it’s my period time and my husband just walked through the door at 8PM and I have a migraine and I need to get away before I continue to keep snapping and feel like at yelling at my kiddos…because yes, those times do pop up, I’m human, but I just don’t want them to pop up every time my kids emotions get intense!

So thank you Luca for coming into the bathroom and having a major meltdown the entire time I was in the shower.

If you hadn’t done that, I would have done what I always do every morning…get you and I ready as fast as I can and zoom out the door to get you on school on time.

Yes, those are important things to do, but instead, we were able to have a moment of stillness together…a long moment…where I was reminded…

to breathe.
that you (and your sister!) are growing up FAST.
of our time together when you (and your sister!) were babies and toddlers.
of how important it is for me BREATHE through moments that make me feel frazzled and angry and frustrated.
that SO MUCH GOOD comes after the storm.
that I was in major need to getting out my head and back into my heart.

None of that wouldn’t have happened, if it wasn’t for your meltdown (and all the meltdowns you and your sister have had since I’ve become a mom 9 years ago!).

I’m SO, SO very grateful!!

Because my mama heart needed the reminder BIG TIME!!

So the next time it happens (which it did the following Monday because he had slept in and didn’t get to say goodbye to his sister when she left for school, which, this time, my shower was done and I was able to rock with him for 45 minutes!) I’ll remember to stay calm and BREATHE (instead of yelling and thinking how badly I want to run away!) because once you’re ready (and when your sister is ready, too!) we’ll both have a moment of stillness together that provides love, comfort and JOY for not only you (and your sister!), but for me, too!

And, then, of course, I had an inner craving to hand letter the reminder to BREATHE during uncomfortable and intense moments because for me, when I trace over an uplifting word like this, over and over again, it sure does stick in my (visual!) mind a lot longer than when I just read the word real quick and move on with my busy, adult-responsibility-filled-life.

So…yeah!

Until next time…

I W I L L B R E A T H E and even thought it’s gets SUPER uncomfortable hearing whines and cries, I will never, ever run away from my kids during it…I will ALWAYS run toward them with love and hugs and everything else I can do to help you through those difficult emotions!

Oh yeah!! :):)

Why do I hand letter uplifting words? Because it easily calms my mind, ignites my joy and slows me down so I can BE a more calm, happy + present mom (something that's hard to do when my mind is running five miles ahead or behind the present moment...especially during summer break!) and truly focus on what matters in my life and all the GOOD that fills it!